FOMO is Everything
I surf. My life revolves around waves. Seriously. I am not a professional surfer which really complicates things. I don’t get paid to surf, but I need to surf when there are waves or I simply lose my mind. Surf forecasting is difficult. Variables such as the wind, the tide, the shifting sand, the swell direction, the air pressure, etc. make it difficult to know when there will be a great window of surf. Surf spot cameras make it possible to check surf conditions, and one of the worst feelings in the world is checking the camera and watching it go off while you’re away. When I know there are waves, chances are my schedule will be completely clear to maximize scoring potential and minimize F.O.M.O.
“F.O.M.O.” stands for fear of missing out. Every surfer is constantly plagued by this as somewhere in the world is bound to be going off, but life forecasting is even more difficult, more complex, and more random than surf forecasting. Fomo undermines decisions we make in life in our effort to maximize scoring potential.
FOMO Rules
So many factors get in the way of maximizing our own potential, namely in the form of responsibilities. So why do we take on these responsibilities? Fomo.
Marriage — Some may call it love, I call it fomo. If you want to make the ultimate commitment/sacrifice by choosing one person for the rest of your life, it is because you fear that there is nobody else out there that is better for you. Hopefully you pick the right one.
Work — Many times jobs are chosen out of pure fomo. If you don’t get paid, then how will you survive, right? I worry about people that fomo too quickly into a job and then are trapped dreaming of what could be while working instead of being engaged.
Engagement > productivity. Engagement is what blocks out fomo. Who cares what else is going on if you’re engaged in the present activity? A productive human does not equal a happy human, but an engaged human will fomo less. Less fomo = more happy? Maybe.
Time — We’ve got limited time on this earth. How much of it is spent in enjoyment? Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t all about enjoyment as a I talk about here, but it is better when we get to choose how we spend our time and select which mountains are worth climbing.
Marketing — Influencers are paid to go on trips to show how much fun they’re having to instill fomo into their followers. Pretty much all marketing is fomo because you’re missing out if you don’t buy the product.
The Market — I buy because I think you’ll buy. I sell because I think you’ll sell. It’s almost this simple.
We Just Want to be Useful
We all have different roles in this world. Natural abilities are spread unequally and perhaps go unfound or underdeveloped many times. Sometimes I wonder if it is a simple choice to determine your ceiling of usefulness. Granted, the ceiling of usefulness has its prerequisites such as education, training, luck, and location. But I wonder the extent to which we put our own limits on ourselves.
I think of Grandma and how she grinds (post coming soon). Grandma grinds all day because she wants to be useful. Her primary concerns are for her immediate family, garden, puppy, and softball team. She does the dishes after a family meal. In fact, she doesn’t want us to touch the dishes. It’s one of the ways she contributes to the family now. Her usefulness is quite different than her testosterone fueled 26 year old grandson. Grandmas and moms want to see their child succeed which is why (if you’re lucky) they’re constantly providing and it’s an optimal use of their time to do such. It’s an investment. It is their offspring that will hopefully be taking care of them one day, so it’s hopefully it’s worth it.
Usefulness has changed DRASTICALLY due to technology. It doesn’t take hours of manual labor to clean your clothes or even vacuum. Thanks Roomba! This extra time is a double edged sword. It allows for us to spend more time satisfying our higher level needs, or it allows us more time to waste.
We want to be useful to our maximum capacity. If we find a way to do that, not only will we be engaged with our day to day activities, we will be helping others. It’s a win, win!
Ways to Conquer Fomo
Living in the state of constant fomo is definitely no bueno. If many of your life decisions came out of haste or physical need instead of desire to fulfill purpose, I do believe there are ways to escape the fomo dungeon.
Engagement — Whatever work you find yourself doing, make the absolute most out of it and be the best you possibly can. If that requires putting in extra time, do it. Excellence in your work could open doors you didn’t even know existed or it could lead to more money. More money could be your ticket out of the torture if used wisely. Also, it feels better putting in effort instead of lazing around all day. You’ll sleep better and the day goes by faster in my experience.
Network — I see networking as letting your light shine. An engaged person has a shine to them. So if you’re doing the work you don’t necessary like, but you’re engaged, you’ll become more attractive and that light will shine.
Where else does your light naturally shine? Is it on the dance floor, at the bowling ally, or in the book reading club? It’s much easier to “network” aka make friends by doing things that you’re naturally good at and have fun doing. And guess what.. These friends you’re making also have jobs and friends. So many doors could open up, meanwhile, you’re just having fun!
Commit to What YOU Want —Plan only if you actually want to do something. A simple no or I’m not sure yet is a much better answer than a yes and flaking. Flaking ruins friendships and reputations. A ruined reputation diminishes opportunities. If this event will bring you joy, make you better, or possibly bring luck, then do it. If not, fugghetaboutit, or just say maybe, then show up last minute like I do. A surprise is better than a flake.
One of my strategies for maximizing luck is my refusal to plan. I want to capitalize on randomness and maximize my potential for luck (and fun).
My Struggles
I have an interesting problem many college grads face. We have options. Options are liberating and paralyzing at the same time. Why? Ya you guessed it, fomo. You pick one route, you sacrifice the other and who is to know if that is the right path. I certainly don’t know. It’s difficult to find out where you fit and can be the most useful in the world. Sometimes it may take committing to something to learn whether or not it’s you.
I live a highly uncommitted, random, and free life right now. One con to this is that I haven’t found a way to make myself consistently useful in a way that will earn me money. I did not opt for consistent employment. Another con is relationships. I have a ton of friends, but am physically far away from my closer ones.
I don’t think life is worth living without relationships. Family, friends, teams, lovers are all part of what makes life worth living. Being useful is about helping others and in return makes you feel good. I’m solo right now down here in Mexico. I’m working on myself, which will benefit me, my future spouse, work partners, and friends, but for now it feels a little empty.
The Balance
To conclude, there’s bound to be tradeoffs in life. The good news is you have a choice to limit them.
Fomo drives us to live and it will run rampant if you stagnate or overcommit. The key is finding a balance that works for you.
For those who are paralyzed and stagnant, say yes to plans! Get out there! Doing nothing will bring nothing. The simulations running in your head only exist only in your head. Commit to something, see what happens, and learn from your results!
And to the busy bee, yes person. Say no! It’s okay! Honesty is the best policy for your planning. You might actually be able to watch that football game or have time for your manicure. Saying no, could lead to better rest and who knows the returns that may come from that.
The best option is that one that will bring the most luck. Let that soak in. What does that mean for you? Sometimes that means going out to that nightclub even though you don’t feel like it, other times it means Netflix.
