Corona in the Land of Coronas
My Small Dilemma
*** Most of this was a stream of consciuosness. Additional thoughts were added :)
I don’t know exactly what I’m doing/thinking about all this (virus craziness) so it’s time to do one of my favorite things… I’m not going to stop my fingers for at least ten minutes, probably more. Punctuation mistakes? I’ll let em slide. Oh wait! I have Grammarly now!
actually, I can’t start now, I gotta put a shirt on. I’ve already taken a 3-hour walk and I’m a freakin gringo frito. Hold on.
Alright I walked downstairs and I’m in the shade now. Damn does another coco frio sound freakin fantastic about now, wow. Mmmmmmm. The guy today gave me a lime (ha forgot about that song) and told me to put some salt in there and boom, mind blown.
Anyways, back to the task at hand. What am I doing here? How do I feel? What are my thoughts? What have I learned?
One thing is 100% for sure right now. It’s incredibly hard to be in the present. I can’t turn off the chatter en mi cabeza.
During my beach walk, I was listening to an audiobook. I could hardly even hear the book over my mental chatter. Often the mental noise was louder than the AirPods! It’s a bummer, but also it is a pandemic, so perhaps the excuse is valid. Also, the book is about a guy who was doing humanitarian work in Fallujah after 9/11. Now that’s dangerous.
If I’m not worrying at this time, I’m ignorant. If I lock myself in a closet, I’m also ignorant. Where do I put this extra energy that I know this crisis is giving us?
The Dilemma
“Honor thy father and mother”. That’s a verse and a commandment that has been ingrained in my brain forever. Luckily, I have great, wise parents and it’s been no trouble at all to honor their wishes and be the son that they want me to be. This commandment has been relatively easy for me to keep, but now, for the first time with their knowledge, I am blatantly going against their wishes for me and mi vida.
Yes, it is mi vida. It’s ultimately my decision to do what I want, but their voice is ringing very loudly in my head and I can’t turn it off. It makes me question the commandment. I always thought that you need to honor them to make them happy. But I learned it is reciprocal. By “dishonoring” them, I am tortured alongside my parents.
My dad said that he got choked up the other day in his life group when he was thinking about me being here in Mexico during this crisis.
Okay, backstory if you don’t know. I have a potential autoimmune disorder. It’s not official, but I do have a gene that is linked to autoimmune disease and I had some gnarly flare up a couple years ago. Since then, I’ve had no symptoms.
So my dad envisioned me on a beach with the bad corona (not cerveza) and the corona triggering my reactive arthritis. That’s a horrible vision. My parents thankfully took great care of me when that flare up rendered me useless for a month and mostly useless for another month. Picturing that happening to me again absolutely terrifies me, and might actually be the precise reason that I am here at the mother of all beach breaks, “Playa Zicatela”
Option Mexico
Playa Zicatela. What a woman. She absolutely abuses me, and I’m not even surfing it at a quarter of the size she can get up to! What a creation and force of nature this beach is. So humbling. I’m definitely gonna break a board and owe somebody some pesos. Hopefully, I’ll get the footie though (for the boys).
But yeah anyway, I’m here because I want to be. I’m here because I’m healthy. I’m here because I want to live while I can still live. I remember swearing to myself that I wouldn’t take another day for granted when I was laying on the couch with two swollen knees and a swollen wrist not knowing if I’ll ever be able to surf again. See this article, I talk about it in more detail.
So yolo right? Is that what I’m trying to say? No, not at all, but that’s probably the image I’m projecting when I share my beach photos and whatnot.
I ran the risks in my head and am acting according to the information that I think is trustworthy and that which I’ve consumed. There’s a whole lot that I don’t know, and honestly, my risk assessment and my decision is not the “safest” move (I think?).
By being here, I am subjecting myself to absolute total ruin for multiple reasons. Crap. That just came out of my own fingers. I’m a very risk-tolerant person, look at my gambling... I mean investment portfolio. But alright, here’s the risks:
- Airport and border closure? That’s up in the air. Could get stuck for an uncertain length of time.
- This wave can break limbs, I’m only half-ass insured and left my credit card at home. Hospitals here? Semi-questionable.
- This place is a little more tranquilo than last time, but there are gringos here and it’s a hot spot for travelers, which makes it at risk for contracting the virus.
- If I get my phone or computer robbed and hacked into somehow, I’m ******
Okay, so I’m leaving myself at risk for total ruin, something my favorite author/genius/statistician Mr. Taleb warns against. But then I start thinking of the people who do not have my options.
Before cruising over here I was living in Mexico City, an hour flight away. Mexico City has many faces. It’s got rough areas and boujie ones. I loved being the gringo out of place in some of those markets. 1. Because you get the cheapest goodies. 2. I like the attention (you already know that). and 3. English ain’t an option.
These people I’m afraid will get hit the hardest. The crammed subways and shopping centers will probably be a hotspot. They don’t have the fallback systems that I have in place, but I believe that they’ll survive as humans do. If I get in real, real trouble, I have my place in sunny SD to fall back on with loving folks who will do anything for me and my wellbeing.
My story is small, and it’s impossible to be somebody else no matter how hard you try to take their perspective. This world is so yuuge and everybody is dealing with this differently. It’s been nutty to see the chaos in the markets, the supermarkets, and the news. The best thing to come out of this so far are the memes though wow. So great.
Introspection
To reiterate, I’m stuck between thinking this is a great call to adventure or thinking that I’m being ignorant.
To be honest, I feel like I’m being a dick to my family. But at the same time, are they not letting a grown man make his own decisions?
Here’s two videos to sum up the contradiction.
So what is it exactly that I’m searching for out here? Am I just Peter Pan living an uncommitted lifestyle just to win the admiration of those who can’t live like this? Am I too afraid to make a sacrifice (work, have a gf, rent, etc.) because I fear responsibility? Am I just on a pleasure pursuit? I have so many options which can be paralyzing. Truth is, I have been putting some things off and it might catch up to me soon. I can already hear the I told you so’s…
Or by staying would I be answering that call to adventure? What could I learn about myself if I remain here? If I hit rock bottom, go broke or get sick what would the other side look like? Perhaps the adventure could provide more clarity on the other side, but the unknown is scary. The unknown seems scarier to my family than it does to me. Am I being selfish by staying? Perhaps.
This downtime can be used for a number of ways. In Puerto Escondido, I see myself learning Spanish, improving my surfing, and exploring myself. Right now, home just sounds like torture. Everything is closed and I wouldn’t even want to stay with my family in case I bring the virus in. If I did go home, I’d probably camp out in my truck somehow, somewhere which may be an overreaction, but also maybe another form of grand adventure. Interesting.
Idk. I’m over it though. Corona sucks. Y’all already know.
Moral of the story? People worrying about you sucks. Worrying about people worrying sucks more than worrying about yourself. Ugh.
Can’t wait to re-read this and see it in hindsight bahaaaaa.
I’ll be back soon? I still am not sure. Maybe another sleep and surf will clarify things.
Ciao for now,
Pablo
